Moments of Safety
by consoledacup
Summary: A look at the ever-changing dynamic between Jack Porter and the real Amanda Clarke.
1. You've Always Made Me Feel Safe, Jack

01.

When Emily passed by the Stowaway several times upon first arriving to the Hamptons, she knew she would eventually run into the Porters. But it had been nine years since she had last been in the Hamptons, and a lot can change in nine years. She didn't know if the boy she shared a fake wedding with would even still be there. And finding him certainly wasn't part of the plan.

So Sammy found her instead.

Jack was such a gentleman when he realized the dress she was carrying was ruined, and she knew he felt bad. She also knew he was hitting on her. And under different circumstances, she would've let him. She never forgot her best friend on the beach, and a huge part of her longed to get to know the man Jack had become.

But she couldn't. And she suppressed the longing.

She had no idea what was going to happen. The plan was still so fresh. So new. With so many different variables and projected outcomes. As meticulous as she was, she knew she couldn't add an any extra vulnerabilities. No matter how charming they were.

Still. Seeing him and Sammy after all those years made her feel something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

 _Safe._


	2. Deep Down Inside You Always Knew

02.

 _Nolan._

She should've known Jack's appearance at the surprise party was because of him. She was frustrated with Nolan's meddling, sure, but involving Jack in all this...well, that was unforgivable.

Was it a sick game for him? Toying with the hearts of others? She saw the irony in her disgust. She knew she was doing to the same to the unassuming Grayson she was currently seeing.

But this was _Jack_. And she needed him as far away from the inevitable collateral damage as possible.

* * *

He wanted the new girl to be _her_. He really did. When Sammy ambushed her earlier a week ago, he knew there was something about her. Her kind eyes, her golden hair, Sammy's obvious approval.

And it's not like he's spent the last nineteen years pining over her either. He's done alright. It's just...

Well, he wanted the new girl to be her.

But she wasn't. He found out the full name of the mysterious girl in Amanda Clarke's beach house.

 _Emily Thorne_.

And if he was honest with himself, her name sounded just as pretty.


	3. Sammy Named Her

03.

 _Sammy._

The damn dog wouldn't leave her alone. As much as she kept trying to put aside thoughts of Jack, Sammy would show up and thwart her plans.

Her heart went out to Jack and Declan. She remembered lazy summer days in the Stowaway. Carl would have a Shirley Temple already prepared for her, and she would clink her glass with Jack's, who opted for the manlier orange juice instead ("Guys don't drink girly Shirley Temples, Amanda."), and they would pretend they were two adults catching each other up on their grownup day full of business, dry-cleaning runs, and parking tickets.

And while she and Jack were carefree, she would notice Carl's tired eyes and weary expression. But he always had that Shirley Temple on the ready for her with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. And it broke her heart to think that she'd never see that tired smile again.

But it was discovering the name of Jack's boat that threw her for a complete and total loop that week.


	4. She's a Tough One to Figure Out

04.

Oddly, Emily was eagerly anticipating the private dinner with Daniel. Obviously, she needed to advance things in their relationship to keep the plan in motion, but she couldn't help reveling in the... _benefits_ of this particular scheme. After all, Daniel was extremely attractive and suave and a _really_ good kisser. _No_. She had to remember what Takeda told her. _Don't stray from the path. Never lose your focus._

No matter how handsome Daniel was, Emily was confident he wouldn't divert her mindset from the ultimate goal.

But Jack? That was a different story entirely.

Ever since she arrived to the Hamptons, her goal had been to push Jack away. The more she could avoid him, the greater chance he had of being unharmed in any way.

When Nolan mentioned the possibility, Emily wanted Jack to sail away...leave unscathed from all of this. She was relieved. At least she wanted to be.

The problem with Jack was...the _problem..._ he- he just brought about a feeling of security within her that she hadn't felt in nineteen years. But if it was what he wanted, who was she to stop him? Revealing her true identity to him would be self-serving and put him in probable danger. As much as she wanted to give him that option, she couldn't. If Jack was anything like he was as a child, she knew he would nobly stay to protect and help her. Or worse. He would be disgusted with her and her choice of vengeance. Yes. The best thing for Jack was to keep him from the truth and let him escape the devilish pit that was the Hamptons.

But when he showed up at her door instead of Daniel - with his adorable wingman, Sammy - and then proceeded to tell her he was staying until at least the end of the summer, she realized how much she didn't want him to go.

She had no romantic feelings whatsoever towards Daniel. He was just a means to an end. But if this was true, why did she feel like she was betraying Daniel as she thoroughly, unabashedly enjoyed her dinner with Jack?

She knew she wasn't built for love. For true romance. She needed no therapist to impart that bit of wisdom. That wasn't part of the plan. Part of the path she chose. She made herself ready, training with Takeda. With Aiden. And she could certainly appear heartless underneath a perfectly agreeable exterior. But under the coldness, there was a true, real beating heart torn apart from hurting the innocent. And shattered from being the only one standing in the way of some sort of normal happiness.

So she would continue to keep Jack in the dark and let Daniel think she was letting him in more and more and just silently _hope._ For what? _That_ she could hardly figure out herself.


	5. Captain Jack Happened

05.

Emily's excuse for not being alone for _their_ supposed date was weak, but Daniel decided to drop the issue. He was afraid she was thinking of leaving him for the new guy, so when she fought for them to stay together, he was more than willing to let it go.

 _Still_...he saw her smile more around this punk than she had with him for a week. For some reason, she and Jack shared a connection that he envied. Seeing them together that night...laughing and talking, sharing a meal, drinking wine...it was like _he -_ the _boyfriend_ \- was the third wheel.

So when the moment arose for him to make an income on his own and stick it to his father, he jumped at the opportunity to get under Porter's skin. He caught Jack's face too - clearly annoyed with Daniel's proposal but wanting to seem like a good guy in front of Emily... _classic_.

So that made him feel a little better about the whole... _Jack_ situation. And _maybe_ having sex with Emily made him feel a little better about it too.


	6. That Night Under the Fireworks

06.

There have been clear points in Amanda's life where two paths visibly lay before her. That damn night under the fireworks was one of those points.

When Ashley pointed Jack out at the party, Emily couldn't keep her eyes off him. He looked so handsome and yet so...out of place. Which is why she cared about him so much. He would never be like _those_ people..self-serving, materialistic, deceitful, brutal, image obsessed...He was _more_ than that. And those thoughts kept swirling in her mind. Which is probably why she didn't break away from his confident, intense gaze until several moments later.

As she stared into his eyes, thoughts of revenge and her schemes fluttered away, and all she really wanted was to grab Jack by his collar take him away from Grayson manor and _show_ him what he meant to her. But she couldn't. She wasn't going to abandon her mission, and she refused to drag Jack deeper into this than Nolan already had.

She was touched by his thoughtfulness the night before. When he fed her that cheesy line, she gave him a calm, intrigued reaction, but inside, she was _dreading_ what was to come. Her relief was evident when she realized he was simply talking about the porch swing. The fact that he remembered her father wanting the swing moved...the fact that he didn't talk about her father with venom in his voice like everyone else did...the fact that he talked about _her -_ well, _young_ her - with such affection...

...and then Daniel showed up. And Jack fixed her swing. While she was on a _date_. What was happening? Why couldn't Jack just keep his distance? Why did he have to be so honorable and good and _true_?

And all those things...those _perfect, beautiful_ things he told her on the pier under those _damn_ fireworks. Of _course_ what he said made sense. She felt it too. And she knew - she _knew_ \- she felt it in her _bones_ \- that if she were to confess to him who really was that night - that night under those stupid, romantic, _breathtaking_ fireworks...he would understand. He _would._ She was sure of it. He would understand why he felt so connected to her. He would understand...so what was stopping her from telling him the truth?

Did she enjoy this mysterious pull she had on Jack? Had she really become that much of a narcissist? Or was it something else? What if she _had_ let him sweep her off her feet with his sweet words and bold declaration? Then what? She would reveal her identity, they would have a sweet moment, and then... _what_? She would go back to Daniel and see Jack in secret? Could she really expect Jack to be okay with the deceit? Because staying with Daniel was nonnegotiable. He was her ticket to the Graysons. He was the unassuming insider.

And what if the Graysons found out about her? They would make the connection between her and Jack - she was sure of it. She knew what the Graysons were capable of - she knew the fate that befell those that crossed the Graysons. And if things went south for her, what sort of horrors would they inflict on Jack?

So _no_. Of course Jack wasn't alone in his feelings. But because of her feelings, she had to hurt him. She had to look into those stormy, passionate eyes and deny him. She had to deceive him. What's one more lie... _right_?

That damn night under the fireworks was when Emily blatantly chose revenge over Jack. And she could only hope she made the right choice.


End file.
